coming out from the dark

Well it's been quite awhile since I have posted anything new. Life has been crazy for me for the last while. Between my dad and my husband I have found myself slipping out of my own skin into theirs. For awhile I was only a wife and a daughter and a caretaker, always the caretaker.
Now I can come out from under and try and come back into my own skin, a place I am learning to love and feel comfortable in.
Crisis changes us in a profound way. We look at our own mortality, we think about what life would be like if we had to say goodbye to the ones we love, we get scared, we cry, and we try and be brave for everyone..... Woosh that is the hardest thing to do. Not to show fear in front of those who are sick and trying to heal. Not to forget how life would be like without them....
Now the healing has begun. I try to look at each new day as a gift, one more day with my husband, one more day with my dad. Will this change them too? Will they do what it takes to stay healthy, to stay safe, to stay here with us, those that love them?

We aren't often faced with our own mortality, and so when we are, we don't know what to do, what to think, how to function. For most of us, this isn't something we think about daily, it only comes up to the surface when we are faced with crisis. I hope I don't have to feel that again in my lifetime, but I know we all are faced with loss and sadness, the cycle of life......

More again later....