looking at life differently

I am relieved to say that my husband is home from the hospital. During the time he was in there, a million different thoughts raced through my head. Would things be okay, would he be compliant, would this awful intruder come into his body and our lives again?

Sitting watching him sleep each day gave me a lot of time to think. It brought me back to a time long ago, I was 20 years old and had a dying grandfather. What was life like in those moments and did I ever tell him how my life was affected by his presence? Did I think about that 20 years later when my mom was dying? Did I say exactly what I needed to say in the last moments we had together?

Why do we wait until someone is sick or dying to express our truest, innermost thoughts and feelings? What stops us from doing that when they are alive and well? Fear? and of what? That we may appear vulnerable and "sappy" or that we may have to explain our feelings, talk about them, expose them?

I have always considered myself a very demonstrative person, one who wears her heart on her sleeve, who tells those she loves and cares about that she does so, someone who loves with her whole heart. Yet as I get older I find myself holding back a little, when it should be just the opposite. We should come out of our cocoons as we get older and learn to emerge in the skin we are supposed to live our lives in. This past week has reminded me that life is precious and that we waste a lot of time NOT saying what is truly important. We let those people we love leave our lives in one way or another and never express our hearts, never show our true selves, never live life in our own skins.

I ask you to begin a new way of thinking and feeling. Love those you love fully, and tell them so, whether it be a friend, a family member, a spouse, a partner. Just tell them how you feel, love outwardly instead of inwardly. You will get so much back in return, I promise you.....